


till death do us part

by ourseoul



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Cheating, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Park Seonghwa-centric, Reincarnation, angst with happy ending, slight angst, suicide is not in detail, themes of death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2020-05-16 19:05:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19324234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ourseoul/pseuds/ourseoul
Summary: All men must die, but how many times? A story in which Seonghwa keeps dying in order to find his love.





	till death do us part

**Author's Note:**

> so since seonghwa keeps dying in this fic, suicide is written but it is not written in graphic detail. but if it is uncomfortable i do advise you don't read this, other than that this fic is not as sad as i think it is? lol i don't know? leave a comment on what you think~

**ACT I**

 

_Would you even believe me if I told you this wasn’t the first time? ___

__

 

It was easy falling in love with Hongjoong, the way he smiles and the way he laughs, it was enough. It was easy making promises that guaranteed a future together. Perhaps it was too easy falling out of love.

Seonghwa learns what love is the first time he meets Hongjoong. An excited introduction and an easy smile is all it takes for Seonghwa to realize that love may be simple after all.

Every winter Seonghwa thinks of him, he remembers the promise they made to each other on the beach. Winters in Korea are freezing, but Seonghwa doesn’t mind the chill that sets in his bones if it means to see Hongjoong’s smile one last time.

“I’m gonna make it, Seonghwa. I guarantee it. _I promise._ ” Hongjoong says. Seonghwa opens his arms and brings Hongjoong close. He takes a deep breath.

“Anymore promises?”

“I promise us.” At that, Seonghwa squeezes Hongjoong a littler harder than normal.

“Then prove it."

And so, he does. Hongjoong screams and screams and he lets the wind carry his voice. He lets the wind carry _his wishes, his promises, his dreams._ Seonghwa can hear it sometimes, the shriek of the wind that nips at him whenever he forgets. Seonghwa never forgets.

*******  
Seonghwa doesn’t forget the way Hongjoong’s voice cracks with humiliation and his voice fills with agony every time his music gets rejected. He doesn’t forget the way that he finds more comfort in an empty home more than he finds comfort in him.

Seonghwa can recognize the shuddering breaths Hongjoong takes before he sobs. He knows how long Hongjoong can go before he passes out from exhaustion. He can recognize the bitter anger that lies in his eyes every time he tries to love him. Most of all, Seonghwa can recognize the pain that’s in Hongjoong, the pain that’s in himself, it’s the only thing he can recognize these days.

He’s home for once. He comes in mumbling curses and empty threats. He talks about how tired he is, constantly creating music only to be rejected every single time. Seonghwa puts his drink too hard on the table and Hongjoong explodes. He screams how he regrets having dreams, having a talent that no one wants to support. He screams how he regrets making those promises at the beach. Hongjoong finally came home and he left a storm. Seonghwa doesn’t want to face the aftermath.

Seonghwa knows regret, enough to last him multiple lifetimes. He regrets falling in love with the boy with a bright smile and small hands. He regrets not chasing him out the house.

He regrets being the one left behind.

Seonghwa stumbles back into bed and drags the blanket to cover his body. He wants to hide from the reality that no one dreams about. He wants to dream of Hongjoong’s music filling up an arena, music that fills up his heart.

He wants to dream of Hongjoong,

he wants to dream of being _loved,_

he wants to _dream of love._

Seonghwa doesn’t wake up.

**ACT II**

_How much longer until I can call you mine?_

Seonghwa is older this time. He lived his life in his twenties and is now trying to be an adult in his thirties. Photography is a hit or miss, but luckily he has good friends who will have him.

“Now, this slump over here is Seonghwa, I told you some stuff about him, remember?” San says pushing a person towards him. Seonghwa nods at them while giving a knowing glare at San. He feigns a look of innocence before running off to help Jongho with makeup.

They smile and it leaves an ache in him. There’s something familiar about that smile, yet Seonghwa can’t bring himself to remember.

“Hello, I’m Jung Wooyoung, I’ll be in your care for today.”

Seonghwa thinks that maybe there are second chances when it comes to love.

*******

“Modeling is so difficult, must I live a life like this?” Wooyoung whines.

“It’s not bad, besides you’ve been hanging out with San a lot, so it should be fun.” Seonghwa looks over and sees a small pout on his face.

“Oh yeah, we’re gonna be filming again tonight, so you don’t have to wait for me.” Seonghwa asks what the filming’s for, but only gets a mumbled reply. The conversation drops and so does Seonghwa’s heart.

“You’re coming home around 9, right?” Seonghwa answers, but he feels as if he shouldn’t come at all.

As a photographer, Seonghwa has the pleasure in capturing the most heartwarming and the most heartbreaking moments. But, he can’t seem to capture the moment in front of him. There is no dramatic revelation, no dramatic shame. It’s quiet, and it’s embarrassing — only embarrassing that Wooyoung was caught.

There they are, in bed, the thin sheets left to cover them. There they are, in the same bed, the same pillows, the same room that Wooyoung and Seonghwa share. Seonghwa knows it could never have been a place for him to call home.

_“Seonghwa?” _Wooyoung says quietly, a hint of shyness and humility coating his words. His words opposite of his bold atrocity. _“Seonghwa? Please-”___

__He runs. He runs and runs and runs. He passes by the coffee shop he frequents on rainy days, he passes the obscure flower shop for the times he’s had to make up for his mistakes, he passes all the memories he’s made to forget the one he will always remember. He goes on these paths that are familiar to him. The same paths with the same story, the same motif, the same tragedy. It seems like Seonghwa was born to be just a mere fool in love._ _

__He stops and finds himself on a bridge that he frequented with Wooyoung. He realizes it’s more beautiful at night. If only he had brought his camera to capture this moment._ _

____

_Have you eaten?_

He reads along the railings as he huffs a laugh. He thinks of all the times Wooyoung refused to eat unless he ate with him. He thinks of how easy it was to make him smile, it reminds him of someone.

_How have you been?_

He hasn’t been asked a question like this in a while. He doesn’t have an answer.

_Do you dream of love?_

Seonghwa stopped dreaming about love a long time ago.

The city lights are bright as he walks towards the end of the bridge. It’s enough to bring light into someone’s life. Seonghwa saw it once, the light, but it was never enough to get rid of his fear of the dark.

 _The lights seem more heavenly here,_ he thinks.

It is the last thing he has in mind before he jumps.

 

**ACT III**

 

“You die so many times, how do you expect to live? I thought you would’ve gotten over me by now, Seonghwa.” A soothing voices emits through the air. It surges a new feeling in Seonghwa.

 _“Yeosang?”_ Seonghwa says breathlessly. A name so sacred to him even god could not compare. Yeosang walks over and takes him into his arms, his head on top of his.

“What is this? Why am I here?”

 _“Would you even believe me if I told you this wasn’t the first time?”_ Yeosang smiles, but his eyes say otherwise.

“I died, Seonghwa. So long ago, in a time where we could be nothing but friends. I was a coward and I left you alone. I didn’t consider how hard it’d be for the ones left behind.” Yeosang brings a hand to Seonghwa’s face and admires the change. He grew older, his face showing signs of stress, yet it never lost fiery youth in his eyes.

“You did something, I forgot what you did, but I was angry at you for the longest time and I couldn’t do anything about it.” There’s sadness in Yeosang’s voice and Seonghwa wishes it’s something he won’t ever have to hear again.

“I was alone, Yeosang. I knew we had something that I could never get from someone else.” Seonghwa grips the jacket Yeosang’s wearing, his hands holding on to the reality in front of him.

“I know, we were both surprised the first time we met.” Yeosang huffs a laugh. “When you told me what you did, that you’d sacrifice a lifetime of happiness for me, I was ready to take your soul then, but I couldn’t. You were willing to go through so much pain, so much regret,” Yeosang stops himself. “You were willing to go through all of that to be with me.”

Seonghwa tilts his head and gives him a small smile. “Well, It’s not easy being in love with Death.” 

A moment of silence and a moment of truth. Something they are both hesitant to believe in. Yeosang looks away.

“They talk about how Adam and Eve as the first love story, but _they never talk about us._ They’re known for their sins, but no one knows of our tragedy.” Yeosang says quietly. 

He cards through Seonghwa’s hair before letting his hand cup his face. _“How much longer until I can call you mine, Seonghwa?_ When will you save yourself from suffering? I’m waiting for you to come back home.”

This time, Seonghwa smiles. A bright smile that sheds away the burdens they both share. 

_“Why wait? I’m already yours.”_

**Author's Note:**

> the questions on the bridge that seonghwa reads are actual questions that are printed on Mapo bridge and is called the Bridge of Life, it was to reduce the amount of suicides on that bridge. unfortunately, it raised the amount instead, but i just felt like i should've incorporated that into this story. if the ending is super rushed that's my bad, my brain short-circuited. but anyways, kudos, comments, anything is appreciated!


End file.
